Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
