Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
