You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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