He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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