My liver just broke up with me...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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