College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
