my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
