i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
