Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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