Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
