i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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