I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
