My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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