Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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