He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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