dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
