So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
