nut hugger
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
