you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
