She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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