I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
