if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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