my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
