operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
