it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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