My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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