i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
