I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
being pregnant is like rehab
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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