we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
