i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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