Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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