Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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