I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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