R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
