you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
