guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
