I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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