i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
