from now on my penis is your penis
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
