We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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