A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
