Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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