Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
