so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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