So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
