i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
