p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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