She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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