seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
