I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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