I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
