my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions