All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma