He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
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I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said