FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
