honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
