This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
