Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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