yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
accomplished twins. life is a go
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
