The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
