we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
