I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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