why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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