It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
