I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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