Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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