Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
