Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
