The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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