it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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