come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
