1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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