So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
