p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
